Chapter 1 –
When the Bomb Drops
Most of us have all gone through a break-up at least once in our lives. For those who haven’t, you aren’t missing much. The hurt, the regret, the sadness and the feeling of failure are just some things that go along with breaking up a relationship.
Sometimes we see it coming and other times, it is dropped onus like a nuclear bomb. Well, not that drastic, but if you’re the one it’s dropped on, it certainly feels like that world is coming to an end!
Well, don’t fret! The good news is, your world is not coming to an end, in fact there have been millions of people over the centuries who have survived break-ups and moved on to new and better relationships! And guess what? You can too!
Maybe you got that call from your significant other that you “need to talk”, or your partner has cheated on you and fell in love with someone else or things just didn’t work out well with you both and it was a mutual break-up. Even if it’s a mutual break-up on both your ends, the hurt and sad feelings are still there. Because, no matter what, you shared a part of your life with this person and feelings were there, even if they are not there now. You did care for each other at one time or another and maybe you still do. Every situation is different.
No matter what the reason for breaking up was and how your relationship ended, good or bad, the feelings after a break-up are pretty much the one and the same. There is always that feeling of sadness, loss, failure, regret, blame, etc… So many emotions to deal with!
And then there’s the feeling of if you are ever going to meet a new person and if you are ever going to fall in love again. Well, as the saying goes, “When you meet that one person that you spend the rest of your life with, you understand why all the other relationships didn’t work out.” It is so true too!
I was in a relationship for a long time with someone. We had future plans together, talked about all the things we were going to do, and we thought we were soul mates and made for each other. Then one day, I got the message in an e-mail. It was a Dear Jane e-mail letter stating that he had fell out of love with me.
That was my nuclear bomb. Or so I thought it was. I cried. I sat down and ate the gallon of chocolate fudge ice cream, watched romantic movies thinking that I was never going to get my happy ending. Yes, that a reference to one of the movies I watch while in my sorrow… Pretty Woman. You know, the movie with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts where Julia Roberts plays a Hollywood hooker and meets Richard Gere who is a millionaire and they live happily ever after?
If only life were that simple. Sigh.
Well, I “mourned” for about two weeks and then I decided to get off my ass, shake it off and get back on the saddle. Two months later, I met someone who was more compatible with me. We share so many of the same interests, much more than my last relationship. We laugh together, have deep conversations, watch movies together… a man who likes romantic comedies… I never had that before. And he is very attractive to me. We fell in love instantly and things have never been better in my love life and in his too!
So you see, there is life after a break-up! You just need to gather your wits about you, pull those boot-straps up and stop hosting pity parties for yourself for months!
Now back to where you are at probably right now. Your other half, lover, best friend, the person who have invested your time in and whom you really believed was your soul mate, has just dropped the break-up bomb on you. Whether it was on the phone, in person, in an e-mail or text (gotta love modern technology, right?) or you found out that they were cheating on you. No matter how you received the news, it’s over between you two. Now what?
Whatever the reason for the break-up, whether it was a committed relationship or marriage that has ended, your whole world has just been blown up. At least it feels that way. You are now experiencing hurt and pain, maybe even some confusion and anger. How dare this person turn your world upside down!
Now, what seemed like days passing quickly have become long drawn out days. How can you get out of bed now? Why do you want to shower or even groom yourself? You feel that there is no reason because the person you used to do those things for is now gone.
There are many things you can do to get yourself through this time of pain and sorrow and feelings of loss and then, yes, move on! Guess what also? Once you have decided to move on, you can learn from this experience, become stronger, grow as a person and become a lot more relationship savvy, believe it or not.
How to Heal After a Break-Up
It’s a known fact that break-ups hurt. Often times, even when the relationship has gone sour, we still hold onto it for some reason. In our minds, we know that it is coming to an end soon, but in our hearts we hold on and grasp to that last little strand of hope that maybe it will turn itself around somehow. It’s human nature not to want to fail at something, especially a marriage or relationship. So, our instincts are to hold onto it for as long as we can. We ponder what the other option is; being alone and that scares the hell out of most people.
We don’t want to deal with the loss of a relationship because it not only symbolizes it ending for good, but it also is the end of our shared hopes and dreams for our future with another person. It represents the loss of commitment.
When we first start a relationship with someone, the romance and excitement is at an all-time high and we begin to think and discuss our futures together with the other person. Everything is so beautiful and new. We are high on love and we would never ever dream of that feeling ever ending. But, sometimes it does. You get to know the person better and with that comes flaws. You learn theirs and they learn yours. Healthy relationships accept when the newness is over, but still try to keep the romance alive.
You can read the rest of this story from any of the major book sellers, or also at http://www.vincestead.com or http://www.fun2readbooks.com You can also listen to it in Audio.
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